(…daughter’s best friend – originally posted to www.productsofnadine.com)
Emotional neglect is when a parent cannot see, know, or understand their child as they really are, alternatively when a parent cannot respond to a child’s emotional needs. Childhood emotional neglect damages one’s self-esteem, self-worth, and emotional health. It allows children to believe their feelings are not important, and the long-lasting consequences of their parents’ actions can damage them for a lifetime. The absence of emotional support is harder to overcome than any other trauma, in my opinion, since you’re unfamiliar with why you’re hurting and as an innocent child, you don’t realize what’s happening. It wasn’t until I began middle school that I perceived and ultimately accept my parents’ absence of love, or at least that’s what it felt like.
Growing up, I came to be constantly quiet and lonely; I remember times where I would sit in a corner and cry while playing with my dolls because of my parents’ absent-mindedness. Their emotional neglect eventually caused me to feel unimportant and isolated, along with further struggles I unconsciously recognized as I developed; difficulty asking for help, connecting, and trusting people. The nonstop profound feeling that I didn’t belong resulted in my battle with my worst enemy, anxiety. My earliest memory of anxiety was when I was in the third grade, My teacher told me to read out loud to the class when I panicked out of worry that I would mess up. My chest became heavy, and I cried. As I was struggling to catch a breath, I ran out of the classroom when I immediately began getting yelled at because I disobeyed my teacher without the chance to explain myself.
Not in the least did my parents act the same towards my other siblings, they were so loving and caring, which ultimately made me question myself “what am I doing wrong?’’ or “why don’t they love me?” Often I would notice myself trying to act like my siblings, hoping I would get shown the same affection. Although it never worked, and, as usual, I was pushed to the side. Given the fact that I wasn’t a “favorite child’’, as I got older the deep rooting emotions that came with their neglect resulted in my depression, though I never admitted it to anyone. I became accustomed to rarely discussing my feelings with others.
Now that I’m an adult I am learning to deal and move from everything. I have bettered myself by letting go of past anger and I have forgiven my parents for their mistakes. I use them as an example of who I never want to be. My past experiences have shaped me into the kind-hearted, caring and affectionate person I am today. Although I am still making progress and have a long way to go, I hope that I can someday be genuinely happy and self-assured in myself.
(I’m truly thankful for Ms. Melendez sharing this piece with us.)
